Can relationships recover from a break?

I’ve been cleaning out my filing cabinet and came across my divorce papers. I was overwhelmed by the same pain I experienced when it was happening. My ex and I have moved way past those horrible days and now remain firm friends.

I now have a wonderful partner who may occasionally feel undervalued although I do not know what I would do without him. We’ve been together for over 20 years. At one stage we took a break, and I wasn’t sure we’d ever make it back.

Taking a break in a relationship can feel like hitting pause on a song you’re not sure you want to finish but you’re not ready to stop entirely. It’s often portrayed in pop culture as the beginning of the end (thanks, Ross and Rachel), but is that really the case? Can relationships actually recover from a break?

The short answer? Yes, but only if both people are willing to do the work. Why Take a Break at All? Breaks often come at a point of emotional burnout, confusion, or conflict.

Maybe you’re fighting more than you’re loving. Maybe you need space to rediscover your own identity. Maybe life has thrown you both a curveball. A break can give couples a chance to breathe, reflect, and reset but only if there are clear boundaries and communication.

If your break is a smokescreen for ghosting or cheating, the chances of recovery shrink fast. But if it’s a mutual, respectful decision, there’s room for healing and even growth. Ground Rules Matter. A break without boundaries is just a breakup in disguise. For a break to work, you need:

Clarity: Are you still exclusive? Are you allowed to date others? How long will the break last?

Communication: Agree on how much (if any) contact you’ll have during the break. Honesty: Use the time to explore your feelings, not escape them.

Intention: Know what you’re hoping to learn or gain during the time apart. Think of it like this: You don’t put a plant in the dark and expect it to grow. A break should offer space and sunlight, not neglect. When Breaks Heal, Not Hurt

Relationships can come back stronger after a break especially when the time apart leads to personal insight, mature communication, and renewed commitment. A break can serve as a wake-up call, helping you appreciate each other more or finally address issues you’ve been avoiding.

If the time apart reveals that you’re better off alone, that's not failure. That’s clarity. And that’s worth celebrating too. Relationships aren’t rom coms. They’re messy, raw, real. And sometimes, taking a break isn’t about giving up. It’s about pressing pause to make sure you’re both playing the same game. 

So, can relationships recover from a break?

Yes, but only when the break is used to break bad patterns, not break hearts. If you’re in the middle of a “break” and need clarity (or just want to talk it out over wine and a toy or two), the team at Lola Montez is always here for a judgment-free chat. www.lolamontez.co.za