How to make joy more available to you

It is human nature to seek more joy, whether life is tough or plentiful. The reason joy might be dodging you like a plague may be because you are doing things to get joy rather than doing things with joy. View joy as a choice, not a reward. It is all about your approach to life. There is no reality, only perception.

This means that every single outcome of your happiness (or unhappiness) is the direct result of your choices. If you understand this and adjust your thoughts and actions, then joy will become more accessible to you.

Buddhism teaches that true joy arises from cultivating positive mental states, practising compassion, and finding fulfilment in the present moment, rather than relying solely on external sources of pleasure.

And if you are seeking the meaning of joy, the question is not to know what the meaning of joy is, but what meaning you can give to your joy. To lead a life filled with joy, you need to cherish others, pay attention to your values, and cultivate inner peace. So, how do you start choosing joy more consciously?

Prioritise your needs over others'

Joy is a spiritual practice that requires work. It is like a muscle. It grows when you nurture it, starting with self-care and unapologetically being yourself without neglecting your own needs. This is what I call positive selfishness because, as the saying goes, you cannot take care of anybody if you cannot take care of yourself. Practice positive selfishness. Spoil yourself. You deserve it. Believe it.

Re-experience you. Move away from people who drain your energy. If it fails, fix it. But change it for you. If you have spent a holiday with friends before, and it did not bring you joy, do not repeat it. Surround yourself with positive people.

Surround yourself with people who laugh often. Become aware of situations where you dumb yourself down to fit in. Do not go back into situations like that. Embrace your talents, your knowledge and above all your passions. If you are uncertain about someone in a relationship, consider whether they contribute to your growth or undermine your confidence. Yes or no? Then make a call.

Practice loving kindness toward yourself.

Practising loving-kindness toward yourself involves treating yourself with compassion. This includes acknowledging your feelings, forgiving yourself for mistakes, and recognising your shared humanity. When you practice loving kindness toward yourself, magic happens. You stop being so critical of yourself, and, in turn, you become less judgmental of yourself and the world. Modify your thought process. I find practising judgement-free days a useful tool. It opens your mind, and the results are tremendous—your partner or friends or family will love this. And so, you need to grow and evolve. Be the change. If you want love, be loving. If you want peace, be peaceful. If you want quiet, be quiet. Cultivating loving-kindness is an essential step on your path toward joy, as it fosters positive emotions and reduces negative ones like anger and loathing. A powerful tool for creating a more compassionate and harmonious world for yourself, both within yourself and outwardly towards others.

Recognise what joy looks like

Joy is found by being mindful of the present and caring for others' well-being. It is a state of appreciating and rejoicing in the positive aspects of life, both for oneself and others, without attachment to the fleeting nature of pleasure. 

Start thinking about cognitive reframing. This is a way of changing your mindset. Let this be your awakening. Changing how you view the world. Instead of focusing on resentment and bitterness, reframing can free you. Changing the negatives into positives, transmuted into goodness. Embracing joy and being useful is the progressive realisation of worthy goals.

These are the things that bring you bliss. If making heaps of cash is a goal, then it will not bring you joy. But if this money will make a noticeable difference in your life and help others. The goal becomes worthy, cultivating compassion, another ingredient for joy. Also, being hung up on and attached to the pain that life dishes out on heaped plates and focusing on your weaknesses and not embracing your strengths or withdrawing from friends and family will most certainly lead to a state of discontent. And the cost is suffering. But if you can view suffering not as a setback but as an opportunity to test yourself, this could be a step toward comprehending happiness, but it requires deep reflection.

Sleep

Less sleep leads to unhappiness by reducing resilience to stress, impairing emotional regulation, and increasing vulnerability to mood disorders like depression and anxiety. Sleep deprivation can also dull emotional responses and increase negative emotions, like irritability, further contributing to a negative mood. 

This means that sleep deprivation can exacerbate pre-existing mood disturbances, such as anger, resentment, depression, and anxiety, and can lead to a lack of vigour and unhappiness. Sleep deprivation leads to stress, emotional instability, and poor nutrition. It also makes you look older, and who feels happy looking older? The way you walk. The way you talk. The way you respond. Your posture. Your skin. Your constitution. You can control this if you cultivate your mindfulness and practice healthy body and mind rituals. You must focus on both. One will not seal the deal when it comes to joy.

Understanding mind over body

An imbalance in the mind can lead to an imbalance in the body. When your mind is filled with negative emotions like anger, anxiety, and guilt, your body also becomes inflamed. When your mind is at peace, your body, so to speak, relaxes and heals because the mind is quiet. Your cell repair mechanisms work overtime. This means that knowing this (awareness) and something as simple as a healthy attitude towards life can keep you joyful. Start removing toxins from your body and mind.

Learn to decrease stress by meditation, awareness, compassion, finding love, laughing, having goals, exercising, eating healthily, increasing antioxidants in your body, vigilant skin care regimes, and avoiding anything that causes inflammation. Make a conscious choice to look (body) and feel (mind) great again. You will be happier. But work at it.

Henry Bantjez (M.Psych.)